Light
by heavenhelpmyheart
Summary: Sequel to 'If I Die Young,' easily read separately. After the hate crime, the Glee Club with learn to understand and heal, but will never be the same. Neither will Blaine.


**A/N: So, I challenged myself to write a good sequel to If I Die Young, since that story was very cry-worthy. It was also a challenge because it is the only story I've ever written (and, probably, the only one I will **_**ever**_** write) that has NO DIALOGUE WHATSOEVER (minus the weird thing I do where the lyrics talk for Blaine). Read on.**

Lyrics not sung_  
>Rachel singing<em>**  
>Finn singing<strong>** or Blaine singing**_**  
>Mercedes singing<strong>__** or all of the Glee Club singing**_

**The confusing parts are because the dumb underline refused to work. They're actually really clear, I promise.**_**  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>Carefully, Emma Pillsbury sanitized the germ-infested desk assigned to her by their cheap principal. She spared a glance for the Cheerio's monument set up to Kurt Hummel that had taken the place of the billboard previously outside of her office. Principal Figgins had objected to the placement, but, between Coach Sylvester and her Cheerios and Will and his club, he had been overridden.<p>

The murder had taken a toll on the entire school. Guilt, remorse, anger, and sadness radiated through the halls of William McKinley High School. While the entire senior class felt the effects, as well as some of the juniors, the Glee Club had taken the hate crime the worst. They had always been a large, dysfunctional family, and a piece of their hearts had been torn away by hate.

Emma saw every one of them, every day. All their reactions were different, and no two visits were ever the same, but they were all mourning. The spirit that could never be crushed by the torment they had been put through for years was gone.

* * *

><p>Rachel was Tuesdays, after school. Her appointment was the only reason she would ever miss Glee, not that there was much point to their rehearsals so soon after. The diva was a mess, prone to crying jags for any reason. Even a word could set her off, and nothing could calm her.<p>

She had broken up with Finn, claiming it was too painful to be around him and to stop by the house. The Hudmel household was now an empty and cold place to be. People on the sidewalk passed the house as quickly as possible, fearing the wrath of the abandoned father within.

Rachel would spend her appointed hour sobbing. Sometimes she would tell stories of time spent with Kurt, the good and the bad. A choked laugh would escape her as she spoke of the horrible makeover Kurt had given her when she had confided in him her love of Finn. One of her favorite stories was the time the two had spent exploring New York, and tears would roll down her cheeks as she recounted breaking into the Gershwin theater to sing _For Good_. By the time October rolled around, she was repeating stories she had already told, accentuating to them both that the time Kurt and Rachel had spent together was far too short. The two should have their whole Broadway careers and lives ahead of them. Now, Rachel truly had to 'go it alone.'

When talking to Rachel Berry, it was infamous that you couldn't get a word in. Emma didn't dare try. Anything she said could and would set Rachel off, either in anger or tears. The soprano would heal with time.

* * *

><p>Finn never made a formal appointment. He would show up at the office whenever he needed to. The spontaneity in his visits upset Emma, but she would always clear her schedule for him. He needed the help, even if he would never admit it. All his teachers reported that he was withdrawn and easily distracted, but they didn't have the heart to fail him. The boy had lost his brother.<p>

He had shown no reaction to being broken up with by Rachel. While the rest of the club had faded into themselves, especially during Glee rehearsals, Finn poured his heart into every solo he was given, as if trying to make Kurt proud. Puck had practically taken him in, living in the Hudmel house wouldn't help anyone heal anytime soon.

Finn would turn the chair towards the windows whenever he talked. When Emma had asked, he had said Kurt would always look out the window when he sang a song he loved. Finn would tell stories, talking about everything he regretted, but not a single tear escaped him. The only time he had cried in front of anyone was the moment he had found out what happened. He was a confusing mixture of angry and upset, emotions twirled through his eyes all the time, but never entirely showed on his face. The hate crime had hardened the golden boy.

Emma didn't know what to do, felt helpless under the gaze of those now hard eyes. Nobody could truly understand how Finn was feeling right now, the relationship between Kurt and him had been so unique. Finn would never be the same.

* * *

><p>Emma sighed as Finn left the office. He had come in early that day, angry after having watched the jocks push some freshman into a bank of lockers. The swish of her skirt as she got up to straighten the chair Finn had kicked over was the only sound in the room. Finn had never been that angry around her, he had been hoping, vainly, that this would teach the jocks the lesson they needed to know about bullying. As Quinn had said at the funeral, Kurt wouldn't want his death to be in vain. Ranting about the injustice and screaming that the jocks would never learn Finn had torn into the office, angrily kicking both of her chairs out of the way and knocking the one over.<p>

As Emma straightened, she saw Mike Chang pass. Mike had never been very close to Kurt, but, in Glee, everyone loved the rest for exactly who they were, and Mike was no exception. Very private and shy, he had never come in for an appointment, but that didn't mean Emma didn't see him every day.

The Cheerio's monument to Kurt included a plaque with what Coach Sylvester had deemed an important message under an informal picture of a very happy looking Kurt at Glee rehearsal. Emma herself had never read the message, but Mike did, every day. He would pass by and nod to the display, stopping at the plaque and running his hands over the still-shiny metal as he read. After he was finished, he would turn and leave, never acknowledging that Emma was watching.

* * *

><p>Brittany floated into her office without an appointment as well. Unlike Finn, Brittany had a pattern to her visits, even if she didn't realize it. Before school on Mondays, at lunch on Wednesdays, and after school on Fridays. In a way, Kurt's death had helped Brittany. She saw the world clearer now, less simply, more like an adult. Every time Brittany sat in one of Emma's chairs, she ranted rather intelligently. She knew Kurt's death was unfair, and she was angry. Sometimes a tear or two would float down her cheek, but she never stopped talking or brushed them away.<p>

The person who cried during her visits was Brittany's counterpart. Santana always accompanied Brittany, having figured out her schedule after two weeks. Santana never said a word, never made a sound, and never sat down. She would stand in the corner of the office, stare out the window, and cry silently. There was no change in Santana's demeanor, except that she was angrier and harsher, but most people hardly noticed. She especially took her rather quick temper out on the jocks, and had thrown herself into the Bullywhips, making the Cheerios help, probably by a mixture of intimidation factor and mentioning Kurt.

The two Cheerios weren't together, openly, but everyone knew it would happen eventually. They were seen together more and more often, and rarely spent time with anyone else. The couple lent each other their strength, leaned on each others' shoulders, and were slowly making it through these painful times.

* * *

><p>Quinn and Sam came in together on the very first day of school. Though their hands were not entwined, Emma immediately noticed the ring on Quinn's finger. Quinn spoke first, talking about how Kurt was always there for her, no matter what. If Mercedes had not taken her in, she had no doubt that Kurt would have. Kurt had treated her exactly the same when he knew of both her pregnancy and the true father, even though he simply ignored her. She always recalls Kurt's dry and self-depreciating humor the first time they ever spoke. As Quinn talked, she rested her hand on her now-empty stomach, as though thinking of him brought on her mothering instincts.<p>

Sam spoke immediately after she had finished, the transition was silky-smooth with practice. His voice was calmer, he hadn't know Kurt as well. Much like Finn, he spoke of regrets. First and foremost, the duet he and Kurt had never sung. Sam considered it a betrayal of his morals that he didn't sing with Kurt, even though Kurt had ended the partnership. He regretted not getting to know Kurt better. While soft tears flowed down Quinn's cheeks, Sam's eyes were dry. He hadn't loved the young boy as much as the original twelve had.

Those two would be okay. Quinn had leaned on Kurt more heavily than she had known, but, now that Kurt was gone, Sam was the rock she could always count on. Sam was stronger, less emotional, and Kurt hadn't touched Sam's life in the way he had touched Quinn's.

* * *

><p>Emma hadn't seen Noah in weeks, but he hesitantly knocked on her door just the same. Noah had no appointment, probably in an attempt to prevail as 'King of the School,' but whenever he needed help, Emma would help him. He hadn't come in for weeks, to the point that Emma had thought he didn't care, a saddening idea considering the amount of effort Will put into helping his Glee Club love each other, but, eventually, Noah walked into her office just the same. The first thing he had insisted on was that Emma would call him 'Noah,' a rarity usually reserved for girls he held close to his heart. Emma hadn't commented on the strange request.<p>

Noah held some of the deepest and most heartfelt regrets Emma had ever heard. As someone who had hurt Kurt in the past, the ex-bully feared what he would have become had he not joined Glee, worried that he would have been part of the group that had killed Kurt. He repeated almost every visit that he never wanted to be 'one of those guys,' someone who would seriously hurt another person based on any unchangeable aspect of themselves. Emma was horrified as he listed off the cruel and unjust things he had done to Kurt in the past during his very first visit. She resisted the urge to _bathe_ in hand sanitizer as Noah spoke of the 'pee balloons' he had thrown at Kurt and his house. The idea of the disorder involved in moving lawn furniture to the roof uneased her.

According to teachers, there had been no change in Noah's demeanor. He was more mature, asked more people to call him 'Noah,' and was slightly nicer to those that had earned his respect, but they attributed those factors to growing up. Emma knew differently. Noah would be okay. He had cared for Kurt, but, more than anything, the hate crime had _scared_ him into being a better person. While that was not entirely helpless, Emma made no comment.

* * *

><p>Artie had an appointment to talk about being disabled. Every Friday since he had mentioned the walking therapies (and Emma had had to subsequently crush his hopes), sophomore year, he would come by Emma's office. Sometimes they would just talk. Artie would talk about the Glee Club assignment, or whatever girl drama he had. Sometimes they would talk about his disabilities, and those would be the most trying visits. Recently, Artie had opened up about Kurt. Kurt had been mentioned before, obviously, whether it was something witty that he'd said that Artie wanted to share, or that they'd spent time together and Artie wanted to talk about it.<p>

Artie had been affected almost as deeply as Finn had, but he was much better at hiding it. He was strong in the way that Kurt was, able to put on a mask and go about the day as if he were happy. Truthfully, he missed the boy he had considered his best friend. While he was a jock, and that could sometimes lead to conflicting time frames, Kurt hadn't been afraid of him (as he had sometimes been afraid of Finn), and they could talk about anything.

Whenever Artie talked about Kurt after his death, he always spoke in the present tense, as though Kurt was in math class down the hall. Sometimes he would even talk _to_ Kurt, as though he was sitting in the other chair. Artie would tell stories about times they had spent together and Glee club rehearsals in which Kurt had let poisonous comments slip out to Rachel, Santana, or whomever else was annoying him. His death was never mentioned.

It wasn't healthy, the way Artie acted as if the hate crime had never happened. Emma knew that and so did he. Yet, if that was what Artie needed to do ot face the day, Emma would let him. It wasn't denial, it was more like ignoring. There was only so much Emma could do for these Glee kids, some wounds never heal.

* * *

><p>Tina and Mercedes came together, best friends leaning on each other in their time of need. While Tina and Kurt had grown apart junior year, she never stopped thinking of him as a brother and life-long friend, and Mercedes had a bond with Kurt like no other. Not just best friend, more like family, like siblings. Everyone had leaned on Kurt, but Mercedes was the only one <em>Kurt<em> had leaned on.

Tina is the more angry of the two. Hot tears would flow down her face as she spoke of the world's injustices. Mercedes would cry as well, but silently, as she spoke or sang. Though she almost never sang in Glee club, she almost _always_ sang at their appointment. Songs about being strong, songs of familial love, or simply songs that reminded her of Kurt, songs he had introduced her to or songs they both loved. Sometimes the room was a cacophony of noise that made Emma's head throb after their appointment as Tina shouted and ranted and Mercedes belted out Celine, overlapping each other, an angry clash of grief.

Both were more withdrawn and had shorter tempers. One bad word about Kurt could send Mercedes on a killing spree, while Tina was as prone to sobbing as Rachel was. Neither sang at Glee club. The two were saddened and at a loss, but they would be alright.

* * *

><p>Lauren's visit shouldn't have been as much of a surprise as it was. Kurt had had this irresistible force that drew girls to love him, even tougher, tom-boy girls like Lauren. He was sweet, innocent, and angelically beautiful. One Cheerio had even called him as 'cute as a basket of puppies.'<p>

Lauren only visited once, whether it was because she had her own way of coming to terms, because she didn't want to seem weak, because the death hadn't effected her as much as it had the others, or because one visit was all she needed, Emma had no way of knowing. For over two hours Lauren sat in her office, cussing ridiculously as she called the men who had killed Kurt 'cowards.' She talked about how brave Kurt had been when faced with his station in life, how much 'crap' he had put up with just for being himself, and how 'badass' it was that he came to school with a smile on his face, projecting the attitude that no one could touch him.

Lauren didn't cry, or seem effected at all, but Emma would often see her staring at Kurt's monument. She didn't come as often as Mike did, but Emma would see her every few days memorizing the words that Coach Sylvester had picked for him. Lauren would be alright.

* * *

><p>The most surprising visit by far was <em>Blaine Anderson<em>. Anyone with eyes knew that he had been the worst affected. The story Blaine had told, in clipped, cold words, was that the New Directions had dragged him here for a 'grief-vention,' knowing how much Emma had helped them. She was flattered, of course, but she wasn't sure there was much she could do for this boy, who knew of a pain most adults wouldn't know of for years. Blaine was broken beyond repair.

What Will and the members of the club had told him was that Blaine was practically dying alive. He barely ate, barely spoke, didn't sleep at all that they knew of, and cried practically constantly. After his eighth or ninth complete breakdown, his parents had withdrawn him from Dalton, thinking instead to home-school him. As a senior, an advanced and intelligent one at that, there wasn't much else he would need to meet the graduation requirements for Dalton. He wasn't far enough sunk to go for a GED yet.

It only hurts when I breathe.  
><span>It only hurts when I try.<span>  
><span>It only hurts when I think.<span>  
><span>It only hurts when I cry.<span>  
><span>It only hurts when I work.<span>  
><span>It only hurts when I play.<span>  
><span>It only hurts when I move.<span>

Blaine spoke only about Kurt, about all their times together, about the ridiculous amount of hurt he had put Kurt through before he realized he was completely in love with him. A phantom of a smile waved over his face fleetingly as he spoke of Kurt almost choking on his coffee after the first time Blaine told him he loved him.

So it's times like these I wonder how I take it,  
><span>Cause some days I think I'm dying,<span>  
><span>But I'm really only trying to get through.<span>

Rarely, Blaine spoke of the hurt he was going through, of all the pain losing Kurt had put him through. Those were the longest and most painful visits, the ones that left Emma drained and her face tear-soaked. Had Blaine not wanted to still go to New York and make Kurt proud, he would have made an excellent writer. The articulate way he said everything made even Emma, as a professional, break down in tears.

Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head?  
><span>Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?<span>  
><span>It's like living on a cliff side not knowing when you'll dive.<span>  
><span>Do you know, do you know what it's like to die alive?<span>

When the world that once had color fades to white and gray and black.  
><span>When tomorrow terrifies you, but you'll die if you look back.<span>  
><span>The sensation that you're screaming, but you never make a sound.<span>  
><span>Or the feeling that you're falling, but you never hit the ground.<span>  
><span>It just keeps on rushing at you day by day by day by day.<span>

At times, Emma thought Blaine was suicidal. Blaine thought he had nothing without Kurt, nothing to live for, and nothing that could make him happy. Kurt had saved Blaine as much as Blaine had saved Kurt, even if he didn't know it. Kurt had saved Blaine from loneliness, from isolation, from the prim, proper way he treated everyone so that they could never get close enough to hurt him.

I saw you light the ballroom  
><span>With your sparkling eyes so blue<span>  
><span>Graceful as an angel's wing<span>  
><span>I dreamed a dance with you<span>

You whispered slyly, softly  
><span>You told me you would be true<span>  
><span>We spun around a thousand stars<span>  
><span>I dreamed a dance with you<span>

I know the night is dying dear  
><span>I know the day will dawn<span>  
><span>I'll wake alone tomorrow<span>  
><span>The dream of our dance is through<span>  
><span>But now until forever love<span>  
><span>I'll live to dance with you<span>

Blaine admitted of dreaming about Kurt sometimes. He would dream of seeing Kurt again, of holding him. Everytime he spoke of his dreams made Emma shed a few tears. Blaine was a romantic at heart, and he dreamed of picnics under the stars and dinners by candlelight. Emma wasn't dumb, and knew he dreamed of more than that, but Blaine never spoke of it, and Emma never mentioned it. Being around Blaine was like walking on eggshells, no matter what you do, one's going to break.

A promise a boy says forever.  
><span>A boy says whatever may come will come through,<span>  
><span>and who can know how when all I know now to be true,<span>  
><span>is this promise that I made to you.<span>

Here's what I say to the boy who was burning so brightly,  
><span>like the light from Orion above,<span>  
><span>and still I will search for him nightly,<span>  
><span>if you see him please send him my love.<span>

Blaine said he would never love anyone else. There was no one else in the world that could make him feel the way Kurt did, and, after having experienced a love from a fairy tale, Blaine couldn't settle for anything else. The sad part was that Emma believed him, but at the same time knew that Blaine couldn't make it through something like this alone. No one could make it through something like this alone. She knew that Blaine would find someone he could trust, someone who would understand him and love him for all that has happened to him in his short seventeen years on earth. Someone who would learn to make him happy, that would understand why Blaine felt so lost and confused. She only hoped that Blaine could loved that man back.

Our house, our own  
><span>So why do I love there alone<span>  
><span>Tell me why I wait through the night<span>  
><span>And why do I leave on the light<span>  
><span>You know, I know<span>  
><span>Our house was a home long ago<span>

Night falls I stare at the walls  
><span>I stare at these walls<span>  
><span>I wake and wander the halls<span>  
><span>I get lost in these halls<span>  
><span>And I ache to the bone<span>  
><span>It's like nothing I've known<span>  
><span>I can't get through this alone.<span>

* * *

><p>After a stressing session with a hysterical Rachel who had heard <em>Don't Cry for Me, Argentina<em> on the radio and ran crying to Emma before school, the best thing to do was talk to Will. While she couldn't tell him what happened in her office, he could always calm her down and relax her, take some of the pressure and emotion that built inside of her every time she heard Kurt's name off of her shoulders.

Emma was surprised to see that the Glee Club was still in the choir room. It was 4:30, usually Glee rehearsals only lasted until about 3:20 due to tears and drama. The soft strains of a song reached Emma's ears and she paused at the doorway to listen. Blaine was sitting in a chair at the front of the room as the whole club was gathered in front of him.

_We need some light.  
>First of all,<br>We need some light.  
>You can't sit here<br>In the dark,  
>And all alone,<br>It's a sorry sight.  
>It's just you and me.<br>We'll live.  
>You'll see.<em>

Rachel sang first, and Emma had never heard her voice that soft, or that controlled. She pressed a kiss to Blaine's head as she sang, and Blaine leaned into the gesture, a tear already escaping down his cheek. Rachel was practically the female version of Kurt, thought Kurt would be appalled at the idea, and she and Blaine were close.

**Night after night,  
>We'd sit and wait<br>For the morning light.  
>But we've waited far too long<br>For all that's wrong  
>To be made right.<strong>

Finn sang next, and while he didn't sound as spectacular as Rachel, Emma could _feel_ the emotion in his voice from the doorway, and it sent shivers up her spine. Finn and Blaine had been close on the basis of football, she knew that, but had become even closer in the wake of Kurt's death. They were the two that cared the most, wanted Kurt back the most, and the lyrics showed that.

_**Day after day,  
>Wishing all our cares away.<br>Trying to fight the things we feel,  
>But some hurts never heal.<br>Some ghosts are never gone,  
>But we go on.<br>We still go on.**_

Mercedes pressed a kiss to the opposite side of Blaine's head as Rachel had. Mercedes and Blaine had gotten along better once Kurt had transferred to Dalton. The common bonds between them were stronger than just the fact that they cared for Kurt with a passion. Both tried to push emotions away in a difficult situation, and what was more difficult than the loss of a loved one?

_And you find some way to survive.  
>And you find out you don't have<br>To be happy at all,  
>To be happy you're alive.<em>

Rachel sang that softly, but _firmly_, obviously having feared what Emma had. In the end, Emma believed that Blaine wouldn't do that. He was too kind-hearted and considerate, he loved the Glee Club just as much as Kurt had, and he would never put them through that, especially so soon after their loss.

**Day after day,**  
><strong>Give me clouds, and rain, and grey.<strong>  
><strong>Give me pain if that's what's real-<strong>  
><strong>It's the price we pay to feel.<strong>  
><strong>The price of love is loss...<strong>  
><strong>But still we pay...<strong>  
><strong>We love anyway...<strong>

Blaine sang that, voice hoarse but strong. Tears washed down his face as he was obviously over-whelmed with memories of Kurt. Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and the club gathered around him, somehow finding peace with each other in their pain.

_**And when they night has fin'ly gone,  
>And when we see the new day dawn,<br>We'll wonder how we wandered for  
>So long, so blind.<br>The wasted world we thought we knew—  
>The light will make it look brand new.<strong>_

All their voices joined in harmony as they sang, the powerful love and loss in the room was overwhelming. Mercedes pulled Blaine up into a group hug, and Emma realized that she was intruding on a very private moment. Not even Will was there to see his club finally coming together in their loss, supporting each other the best they can.

Emma walked back to her office, feeling slightly spooked in the empty hallway, the click of her heels on the time floor seemed too loud. Just as she was about to turn into her office, she paused. Turning towards the Cheerio's monument, she walked up to it, and, for the first time, read the epitaph on the plaque.

_'Kurt Hummel touched the lives of everyone he knew in different way. He helped to make the world a better place, one baby step and sarcastic remark at a time. To anyone who didn't know him, he didn't seem like a very nice person. To those who did, he is someone they will never forget. Kurt Hummel, always loved, lost too soon.'_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Is it bad that the sequel is longer than the original story? Please, if you liked this, go read 'If I Die Young.' Did I do a good job measuring up to the original story? Tell me what you think.**

**All songs used are from Next to Normal, and are as follows:  
><strong>_Just Another Day  
>You Don't Know<br>I Dreamed A Dance  
>Why Stay?A Promise  
>A Light in the Dark<br>Light_**  
>I changed some genders and cut some parts out. So, if they look a little off, that's why.<strong>

**Reviews are Love.**


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